


Strawberry Swing

by 1cobaltDream



Category: Fruits Basket, Fruits Basket (Anime 2001), Fruits Basket (Anime 2019), Fruits Basket - Takaya Natsuki (Manga)
Genre: As told by Miku, I woke up at like Midnight to write this, M/M, Or maybe all the angst, general happiness, slight angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-10
Updated: 2020-12-19
Packaged: 2021-03-06 05:20:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 19,441
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25817926
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/1cobaltDream/pseuds/1cobaltDream
Summary: See here’s the thing: If you asked Kyo whether or not they were married, he’d get this pinched look on his face and say no. But if you asked Yuki, he’d smile wide with too much teeth and say of course.
Relationships: Sohma Kyou/Sohma Yuki
Comments: 30
Kudos: 116





	1. Come Out and Play

**Author's Note:**

> I have no excuse for this one other than the fact that I ate too many pieces of candy and had a brief thought that went something like this:
> 
> "Yuki would sneak their daughter so much candy."

I remember  
We were walking up to strawberry swing  
I can't wait 'til the morning  
Wouldn't want to change a thing

People moving all the time  
Inside a perfectly straight line  
Don't you wanna just curve away?  
And it's such, it's such a perfect day  
It's such a perfect day

Now the sky could be blue  
I don't mind

Without you, it's a waste of time

Strawberry Swing– Coldplay

And I know it makes you nervous  
But I promise you, it's worth it  
To show 'em everything you kept inside  
Don't hide, don't hide  
Too shy to say, but I hope you stay  
Don't hide away  
Come out and play

Come Out and Play by Billie Eilish

/./././././

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See here’s the thing: If you asked Kyo whether or not they were married, he’d get this pinched look on his face and say  _ no _ . But if you asked Yuki, he’d smile wide with too much teeth and say  _ of course. _

It gets too confusing to call them both Sohma-san, since they have the same last name and all. It was one of the many reasons why Miku asked them if they were married in the first place, separately mind you, since Kyo tends to get all huffy and defensive. 

They lived in a modest house down the street from Miku, not too big but with a beautiful garden out front. Different pots with different plants that seem to always be growing and growing and growing. Sometimes they’re fruits and vegetables and other times they’re just flowers. Every once in a while Miku would catch Yuki outside, tending to the never ending amount of pots, watering and trimming away, while Kyo stands off to the side, watching with a scowl on his face.

Kyo always seems worried about something, as though agitated with the world. But Miku knows he’s nice when you really manage to speak to him, kind but in a gruff sort of way.

Once, when Miku was seven she fell off her bike and skinned her knee. She tried to hold back her tears as she clutched at her scraped knee, trying to be strong like her Mama always said. The next thing Miku knew, Kyo was there, and he was talking to her gently, asking if she was okay and wiping her knee with the edge of his shirt.

He smiled at her and spoke so softly, taught her how to breathe, taught her that it was okay to cry if something really hurt, even if it was just a scraped knee.

He was always kind, in that defensive sort of way.

Miku knows this because after he patches her knee he gives her candy, smiling with the corner of his pinched mouth and muttering about how that ‘junk food idiot won't even notice’. He tells her to quickly slip it into her pocket and not to let anyone know he was the one to give it to her. It makes Miku giggle and give him a thumbs up, promising to keep this their little secret. He blushes when Miku thanks him and tells him she’s glad it was him who found and helped her.

She hears a snort and when she turns to look Yuki is standing there with the kind of soft look Papa gives Mama right before they kiss and Miku grimaces and asks if they’re going to kiss too.

They both jump and Kyo squawks while Yuki just says, “Oh no, not in front of children.”

Miku nods in appreciation and picks up her bike and sees Kyo glare at Yuki, the way Mama does whenever Papa does something that annoys her. Miku gives them a cheeky grin, one that Yuki returns and continues on her way, her bike wobbling along the way when her candy was in danger of falling out of her pocket. 

When she gets home, she limps into the living room where Mama types away at her computer. She doesn’t look up when Miku tells her she fell off her bike, instead she hums and asks if she needs to see a doctor and Miku only sighs and unwraps the candy Kyo gave her and pops it into her mouth

“Mama,” Miku says instead of answering, “Mama, those two are in  _ love _ .”

Mama pauses for a second, hums, then goes back to typing.

  


/././././

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Miku likes spending time with Kyo and Yuki as the years crawl on by. She likes riding her bike down the street and parking it by their fence, likes to hop over it and slam their front door open and yell their names to announce her arrival.

If Mama and Papa weren’t always so busy with work and had been there to see Miku act like this, she’d be grounded for the rest of her  _ life _ .

But Mama and Papa aren’t there, were probably still working and Kyo and Yuki don’t seem to mind so Miku does it, smiling wide when Kyo groans and says things like,  _ I fixed that fence weeks ago, you shouldn’t have been able to hop over it so easily _ , even though Miku knows that’s a bold face lie. The fence hasn’t been touched in  _ years _ .

Miku likes to talk and to follow Kyo around the house, likes to watch him snarl and huff and puff about having a brat follow him around. His mouth isn’t so pinched these days and his scowl isn’t so severe but there’s still a tension in him, almost like he’s always scared of something around the corner.

Yuki likes to watch them, likes to stand to the side with a smile and likes to help Miku bully Kyo into making them afternoon snacks. Once in a while, they tag team him and haggle him into giving them  _ sweets _ .

Kyo likes making rice balls and Miku likes learning how to make them. She likes to stand at his elbow, likes watching his face smooth out into a soft smile whenever she tries to make her own. He shows her how to cook the rice, how to handle it and how to fill it with things like pickled plum or salmon; how to roll it between her hands and fingers and how to wrap it in nori.

She never quite gets it right and Kyo laughs gently while Yuki sits across from them with a cup of tea and a smile on his own face.

Yuki once tried to help Miku make one, but it came out worse than before, mushy and mangled and Miku and Kyo laughed and laughed at the look on Yuki’s face until they couldn’t breathe anymore while Yuki pouted and stuffed the rice ball into Kyo’s laughing mouth.

Miku can almost imagine what they would be like, if Kyo wasn’t so scared of whatever it was he was afraid of.

Miku hears them sometimes, when she pretends to fall asleep on their couch and Yuki calls her Mama to let her know Miku was feeling tired and wanted a nap. She hears Mama apologize and Yuki chuckle and say things like,  _ it’s no problem at all, she’s such a wonderful child, we always enjoy having her over.  _ Miku feels bad at first about lying but she can’t help it sometimes, because Kyo and Yuki talk about all  _ kinds  _ of strange things.

And that’s the thing about it, they talk and talk; not like Miku’s Mama and Papa who are always so quiet, who always sit down for dinner with nothing to say at all if it’s not about numbers and business. Sometimes Miku tries to fill the silence, tries to talk about her day but Mama and Papa just look at her and hum, like they’re listening but at the same time not at all.

They make sure Miku has something to eat, to drink, to wear, to have. But Mama doesn’t give her kisses and Papa doesn’t reach for Miku to pat her on the head or to brush away her tears and gently wrap her skinned knees like Kyo does. Mama doesn’t smile and put away her things when Miku comes to tell her things like Yuki does, doesn’t give her sweets and doesn’t tell her she’s good, even when she’s cranky and being difficult.

Mama and Papa love her, Miku knows this, but sometimes, she’s not so sure they know  _ how  _ to. Because sometimes when Miku is extra quiet they forget she’s there, and Papa would get this look on his face and he’d pull Mama in for a kiss. They’d smile sometimes, when they don’t know Miku is watching.

But they’re always so quiet.

When Miku is with Kyo and Yuki, she tries to be quiet, goes silent and doesn’t speak. But it doesn’t work because Kyo and Yuki  _ look  _ at her, they  _ talk  _ to her and they ask if she’s okay. They dote on her and pull her into activities like cooking, coloring, planting, and even at one point, Kyo teaches her a little bit of martial arts. Teaches her how to stand, how to bend her knees and how to plant her feet. He teaches her little things, like how to breathe and how to sit, how to defend.

Being quiet around them doesn’t work, so Miku pretends to fall asleep, because then it’s the perfect excuse. They talk about such strange things in these moments, like:

“You’re good with her, with children.”

“ _ Don’t _ .”

“Kyo, do you ever want any?”

“...No.”

Miku knows a lie when she hears it, well, sometimes at least. But Miku likes to think that she knows Kyo, not all of him, but enough.

Sometimes they talk about what ifs. About what they would do if  _ they  _ found them. About what they’d do if Kyo was out or Yuki was out and  _ they  _ walked through their door.

“I won’t let them take you,” Yuki says once, his voice sending a jolt through Miku when his voice gets cold and hard like steel, “I’ll take you and I’ll run away with you again. Somewhere they won’t ever find us.”

“This can’t go on forever–”

“And why not?”

“They’ll find us, and it’ll be  _ you  _ they hurt.”

Sometimes they talk about a curse, about a cage and about a jealous God. It makes a shiver go up Miku’s spine every time. So much so that Miku knows what she’s doing is wrong, makes her regret lying and makes her stop pretending to fall asleep.

Miku knows for sure that they’re running from something, from  _ someone  _ and Miku understands the pinched look on Kyo’s face a little more.

One time though, she really  _ does  _ fall asleep. Maybe it was the hearty lunch,( _ you’re too skinny, look your arms are like noodles, you need meat on your bones) _ or the cartoons they put on the tv for her, ( _ kids like this shit, right?)  _ but Miku really  _ does  _ fall asleep this time. Just as her eyes flutter closed, she feels Yuki drape a soft blanket over her just as Kyo grumbles about pests in that lighthearted way of his while still sounding gruff.

Unsurprisingly, they argue. Only, this time Miku misses most of it, only groggily waking up with heavy eyelids just in time to hear Yuki say:

“You say that like they  _ haven’t  _ tried already.”

“Yeah and look at us now, you call  _ this  _ being happy?”

“Yes, Kyo, I  _ do _ . Because like you said, Kyo,  _ look at us _ . Look at this house, and look at where we are. We’re  _ out _ , we can be  _ happy _ , Kyo. We have a child sleeping away on our couch, almost like–”

“Don't say it.”

“–almost like she was  _ our  _ daughter, almost like we were married for  _ real _ . And we could, if you would just let us–”

“You need to stop telling people that shit– especially her.”

“I’m not ashamed of you, Kyo. And no, I  _ won't  _ stop telling people that we’re married. I won’t be made into a liar–” 

“Stop it! Stop trying to live in some kind of fantasy world that doesn’t exist!.”

“It  _ does  _ exist! You just won't let it–!”

Miku makes a noise then, pretends she's  _ just  _ waking up and pretends her voice is still groggy when she calls out for Yuki, who goes to her side instantly, asking how her nap was, if she needed anything, if she was hungry. 

Miku’s heart is beating very fast in her chest, and suddenly, seeing the brief flash of deep pain in their tense faces and sad eyes, Miku wants to cry. She wants to cry for them and tell them anything to let them know that it’s  _ okay _ , that they’re going to be okay. Her feelings feel too big for her chest and Miku worries that they’ll worry they made her sad, somehow, so Miku holds back her tears and asks to use their restroom instead.

When she comes back out, Kyo’s face and lips are still pinched and Yuki looks like Miku’s Papa when he comes home and is frustrated and is trying not to let it show so Miku smiles extra wide and thanks them for looking after her and tells them that she’ll be back with snacks very soon, maybe tomorrow even!

Kyo snorts then, his lips twitching and Yuki leads her to the front door as Miku chatters on and on about the weird dream she had while sleeping on their couch. Yuki laughs, light and airy and leads her out the door, down their steps, past his plants and to the front gate. He opens it for her and watches her climb onto her bike.

He stands there and tells her to be careful on her way home, his face a little sad and Miku remembers what he had said when he was arguing with Kyo, about being happy, and about being married and having Miku as a daughter. It makes something warm settle into her stomach and she says something like:

“Don’t be sad, Yuki, I’ll be back real soon, okay?”

Yuki smiles a little wider then and pats her on the head, like she wishes her Mama and Papa would and she grins, full of teeth just like Yuki does and pedals on home.

/././././

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Sometimes they talk about a girl named Tohru and Miku tries not to be jealous, she really does. But every time they bring her up or when the phone rings and her name flashes on the screen they both light up and Miku tries very hard not to stamp her foot and scowl.

They both get so happy, Kyo  _ almost  _ even loses that pinched look on his face and Yuki’s smiles are even wider. They take turns talking to her for a long time on the phone and Miku spends time with the one that  _ isn’t  _ on the phone at the time with this Tohru person. Miku knows she gets a little fussier, a little louder and a little more demanding, but suddenly one day the phone is passed over to her and Miku can't say  _ no _ .

Tohru is nice.

_ Too nice. _

Miku stutters and mumbles while on the phone with her while Tohru’s voice, light and joyful comes through the line, asking how her day was, how her parents were and how her summer vacation was going. She hums and giggles and brings up things Miku told her _weeks_ ago, as though she bothered remembering every little thing Miku has ever told her. It makes something deep in Miku’s chest clench, and makes her words shorter, sharper.

Tohru makes it really really hard not to like her and that makes Miku even more upset because Miku isn’t supposed to  _ like  _ Tohru.

She shoves the phone back to Yuki and mumbles that she’s going home.

Kyo and Yuki look at each other and Miku wants to tell them not to. Wants to tell them not to have that look on their faces, and wants to tell them to just  _ hang up the phone already _ .

Instead Miku stays quiet and Kyo brings the phone back up to his ear to talk and Yuki follows Miku to the door and asks gently if she’s okay. Miku’s eyes feel like they’re burning, her face feels hot and her chest feels tight.

She feels like she wants to say something, like she wants to tell Yuki she thinks she might like Tohru but doesn’t want to. Because Mama and Papa are hardly home and when they are they’re so quiet; but Yuki and Kyo  _ look  _ at Miku, they talk to her and play with her and it doesn’t matter that they never hug her because they  _ talk  _ to her. They see her and Miku doesn’t want to share that with anyone, muchless with someone who is so far away that with just one ring, one name flashing on a screen, Kyo and Yuki are so overjoyed.

Instead Miku says nothing. She turns away and he walks her up to the fence. She doesn’t wait for him to open it, instead she does it herself, gets on her bike and pedals home.

/././././

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She feels bad about it when she gets home. So bad that she cries and cries and cries. Stays in bed all day and doesn’t come down for dinner. Her stomach hurts and her chest still feels tight.

Mama opens her door and asks if she feels sick, if she needs a doctor. But Miku stays quiet and just lays in bed until Mama gets closer to her bed and asks, in that icy tone of hers, if something happened.

It’s a voice Mama uses, whenever Miku does something really really bad like unplug the computer or hide Mama’s briefcase when Miku was younger and trying to get her attention. It makes Miku scared so she gets up from bed and tells Mama that no, nothing happened.

Mama is frowning, and her eyes are stormy and she asks through grit teeth, if  _ they  _ did something to Miku.

It confuses Miku, because Mama is angry, but not at Miku, at Yuki and Kyo. It shocks Miku and she shakes her head and for once, for once Miku decides to not be quiet, to finally talk about what was hurting, about what was bothering her. Like Kyo told her to do; like he was  _ always  _ telling her to do.

So Miku takes a deep breath and starts to talk.

She tells Mama about playing with Yuki and Kyo, about making rice balls and coloring, planting things and watching them grow and grow, about falling asleep on their couch and about the times Kyo would push the table up against the wall to show her how to bend her knees and plant her feet. She tells Mama about learning how to breathe, how to sit for hours with her back straight and how to be patient even when she doesn’t feel like being patient at all.

She tells Mama about the times Yuki would sit and watch them, would reach out and show her how to gently move a plant from a small pot into a bigger pot, how to pick things from the garden and how to sneak treats when Kyo wasn’t looking. Which is hard because Kyo was  _ always  _ looking.

Miku tells Mama about the times Yuki would show her old, musty smelling books that were all ratty and falling apart. She tells Mama how Yuki shows her how to repair them,how to bind them back together and make them well again.

She tells Mama she loves Yuki and Kyo, and wishes, in some way, that she was  _ their  _ daughter.

Mama’s face is blank and she’s still so quiet when Miku talks, and Miku hadn’t meant to be mean when she said that last bit, she wasn’t trying to be mean at all. She was only doing what Kyo had always been telling her to do, to talk if something was bothering her, to speak her mind and speak from the heart.

She tells Mama about Tohru Honda, about how she feels like if she wanted to, Tohru Honda could easily take Kyo and Yuki away.

She tells Mama about how she feels like Tohru Honda takes their attention away, every time she calls or even when they simply say her name.

She tells Mama that even  _ Miku  _ thinks she could like her too. Because Tohru Honda always asks to talk to Miku, always asks about her day, about what her favorite things were. Miku tells Mama that Tohru Honda is so far away but when Miku answers her questions, Tohru listens and  _ cares _ .

And  _ that _ , that was the scariest thing of all.

/././././

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	2. See You Soon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so happy you guys like Miku!!!

I can barely remember life before  
You came crashing in on one day  
Crazy beautiful you  
Blind me like the dawn  
After ashes fell on Pompeii  
Crazy beautiful you

Tiny Human– Imogen Heap

When we're together  
It feels like a movie scene  
Like indie film lovers  
Let's lay under the covers.

Indie Film Lovers– Lyss

/././././

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_ “Marry me,” Yuki whispers, one week before graduation, his words heavy and full of hope as he slides closer, the sheets rustling and slipping from their shoulders as he reaches up to stroke Kyo’s cheek, running his fingers across his skin and laying a kiss to his chin. _

_ “Marry me,” Yuki says again when Kyo twitches in his sleep, his mouth slightly open as he breathes heavy and deep as Yuki lays beside him in his bed, happy and warm in his this small space that seemed like was all theirs and theirs alone. _

_ Yuki breathes secrets into Kyo’s skin as he sleeps, breathes promises and plans that he’s too embarrassed to say out loud when Kyo is awake. It’s amazing really, how shy Yuki quickly turns when he tries to say them to Kyo’s face when they slip into each other’s bed, in each other’s space. He wants to tell him, almost feels desperate about it, but there is something looming in the horizon, a storm that threatens to steal Kyo away with each and every day that passes. It takes Kyo’s strength, his warmth, his smile, his attention, his happiness. _

_ They both know what it is, and Yuki had promised himself, many many times that he wasn’t going to let it happen. _

_ “I won't let them take you,” Yuki promises as Kyo sleeps, “I’ll take you away, somewhere they won't ever find us, even if you don’t say yes. Even if you don’t want me.” _

_ He moves to curl around Kyo without waking him and buries his face into Kyo's neck, breathes him in as something curls in is stomach, a fear that had nothing to do with Akito at all. _

_ "I won't let them take you, even if you don't want to marry me." Yuki whispers, his heart and mind made up as he lies with Kyo all night until morning came. _

/./././

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Mama is quiet.

Mama is quiet the entire time Miku talks, even when Miku tries to smile through her tears while saying something like she feels silly for crying over something like  _ that _ . That Miku feels so much better now that she was able to talk about it, even though she doesn’t really because Mama is so quiet during and after it all that Miku worries she upset her in some way.

Mama is quiet all through the next day too, sitting at her computer like always but this time not even typing, like she was lost in her head and didn't know how to come back out.

Papa asks Mama, quietly while Miku sneaks downstairs for a snack after dinner, if everything is okay.

Mama doesn't even twitch and Miku feels a little like maybe this is all her fault. Like maybe telling Mama what Miku felt was a mistake, like maybe she should have kept quiet after all.

Miku puts her snack back onto the shelf and quietly climbs back up the stairs and into her room, shutting the door behind herself and lays in bed until morning, feeling like at any moment she was going to cry.

In those moments, more than anything, Miku misses Yuki and Kyo.

It's only been two days but they seemed so long and lonely without Kyo's scowling face and gruff voice. So lonely and sad without Yuki's teasing tones and secret smiles while sneaking Miku a snack when Kyo wasn't looking.

Miku misses the way Kyo pats her head and nudges her feet to hold her stance correctly, how he taps on her elbow to get her to raise her arm higher, straighter and stronger. The way his hands cover hers when he teaches Miku how to make rice balls, how to wrap it in nori and how to handle the spices and pots and pans to make curry.

Miku misses the way Yuki would pull her out of the kitchen, smiling wide and teasing Kyo, distracting him long enough for Miku to steal two rice balls and hide them behind her back as Yuki ushers her out and into the hallway towards his work room while the curry cooked away on the stove under Kyo’s watchful eyes. She misses the way Yuki and her would quickly eat the stolen rice balls, giggling at the way Kyo's voice would float from the kitchen that,  _ hey, I could have sworn we made more rice balls than this. _

Miku misses the way Yuki would show her how to bind books, the way his pale fingers would move over spines and yellowing pages, the way he would talk gently about his work, the way he would sometimes read to her, little things here and there until Miku asks him to keep going, to keep reading until her eyes felt heavy.

Miku misses the way Yuki would gently nudge her awake, the way Kyo would come in and ask if they were going to eat or what?

Miku misses the way Yuki and Kyo would argue at the table, the way they would be so loud and the way they would always turn to look and talk to Miku, the way Kyo always makes her promise that she wont turn out as ungrateful as Yuki whenever Yuki teases Kyo about his cooking. Sometimes that pinched look would come back when Yuki says something about Kyo being a good housewife and it’s strange but Miku even misses that look too.

She misses the way Kyo would roll his eyes and get up to put away the leftovers and the way Miku would help Yuki wash dishes. The way that he would pull out the brand new stool for Miku to stand on, and the way Yuki would wink at Miku each time Kyo would say something like  _ we just bought it for the house okay? We didn’t buy it just for you. _

Miku misses them, and doesn’t know how to not to.

/./././././

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On the fourth day away, Miku wakes up curled in her bed with a decision made up in her head. She gets up and gets dressed, smoothes out her shirt and even puts on matching socks.

She spent all night thinking and thinking and thinking and really, the answer was clear in the end.

She had thought about everything she learned from Yuki and Kyo, thought about every smile and every laugh, every pat on the head and every teasing grin. She thinks about Kyo’s pinched look and Yuki’s tight lips whenever they got upset with each other. She thinks about the way they had talked about a curse, a cage and a jealous God and about running away, about being hurt and about wanting to be happy.

Miku brushes her hair and then goes to wash her face and brush her teeth.

Miku spent all night thinking about the smile Yuki gets, about the way Kyo’s face smoothes out whenever the phone rings and Tohru Honda’s name lights up the screen.

Miku looks herself in the mirror, takes a deep breath and marches down the stairs and into the living room where Mama sits at her computer, silent and still.

“Mama,” Miku says, “Mama I miss them.”

Miku meant to say something like,  _ I’m going now,  _ or something like  _ I’ll see you later _ or even something like  _ I’m going outside to play. _

But instead she tells Mama that she misses them, and that she’s going back to see them.

Mama is quiet, she doesn’t even hum and Miku still worries that that might be her fault too, for telling her everything that she told her; and just when Miku opens her mouth to say something like  _ I’m sorry, Mama, I didn’t mean to make you sad, _ the doorbell rings.

The chime echoes through the whole house, sudden and loud and it makes Miku jump. She turns and sticks her head out into the hallway to stare at the front door. When she hears rustling, she turns to see Papa coming from the kitchen, and he was so quiet about it that Miku hadn’t even known he was there in the first place.

The doorbell rings again and it’s so out of place that it makes Miku jump again, they never get visitors outside of the times Mama and Papa make appointments for Miku’s grandparents to come visit. 

Miku’s grandparents weren’t visiting, she knows this because Mama would have made Miku wear her best dress and her best shoes if they were.

Miku hears Mama hum then, and that noise makes Miku jump too and she watches Mama get to her feet and walk past her and to the door, with Miku following closely behind.

There’s a brief sound of scuffling and muffled voices from behind the closed door and when Mama reaches out to open it, Miku’s eyes go wide as the light floods in and before she knows it, Yuki and Kyo are standing on Miku’s door step.

There’s a pinched, nervous look to Kyo’s face and Yuki’s smile was tight at the corners as they both bow to Miku’s Mama, apologizing for the intrusion. Mama is quiet though and doesn’t say anything, even when they both move to stand.

Their eyes move from Mama and over to Miku, their faces getting just that much lighter when they see her and Miku’s heart thuds away in her chest just as Yuki tells Mama that Miku hasn’t been around lately, that they were just coming over to check if everything was alright.

He holds out a basket of vegetables for Mama to take, to make up for disturbing them and Kyo stands next to him, his eyes never leaving Miku’s.

“Thank you,” Papa says, reaching past Mama and taking the basket, “that is kind of you to do so.”

“Oh it was nothing,” Yuki says, “only, it was a little lonely picking them on my own, I have a lot more to harvest and was hoping I’d get an extra pair of hands to help me.”

He looks over to Miku, smiling and Miku can't help but smile back, just as Mama hums and Kyo shifts uneasily.

“Mama,” Miku says then, smiling wide with all teeth, “Mama I’m going to go with them now, we have lots of vegetables to pick and lots of rice balls to make.”

Miku brushes past Mama and Papa and Yuki and Kyo hastily step back as she reaches them, she stumbles a little on the doorstep and they reach out to steady her and Miku takes their hands, each one into her own.

She skips down the steps, pulling them along as Kyo huffs and says, “Easy there you twerp, you’re so short you’ll make me fall down the damn steps.”

“Kyo,” Yuki hisses, looking back nervously as Mama and Papa stand in the doorway with the basket of vegetables, watching as they go.

It makes Miku giggle and makes her feel light, as she pulls them along down the street and towards their house, not even waiting for them to unlatch the gate before she’s climbing over it to the other side, ignoring Kyo’s squawk and Yuki’s soft voice telling her to be careful.

She sees all the pots and all the fruits and vegetables and flowers and herbs and wonders how she could have stayed away for so long.

When they bring her inside they all make rice balls together, laugh until they cry when Yuki gives up and just mashes the rice together into a ball. They make Oyakodon together that afternoon and just before it’s done Yuki sneaks Miku a treat while Kyo has his back turned.

They wash their hands and eat together, Miku talking and laughing while Yuki teases Kyo, giggling when Kyo threatens to never cook again and Yuki rolling his eyes and winking at Miku. When they finish and Miku gets up to help clean the phone rings.

Yuki and Kyo pause and Miku watches them look at each other, Kyo walks over to the phone and Miku’s heart begins to beat a little faster in her chest when Kyo says, “It’s Tohru,” in a light tone.

“Oh,” Yuki says, like it was ever a question, “Oh, maybe we can call her back sometime later today.”

“Okay,” Kyo says, “Okay I’ll just let it ring–”

“I wanna talk to Tohru,” Miku says, her voice coming out a little wobbly, but sure.

They both pause for a moment, their eyes going wide and when they don’t move Miku huffs and walks over to pick up the phone herself.

“Sohma residence,” Miku says proudly, “Miku speaking.”

“Miku!” Tohru’s voice floats through the line, surprised before turning cheerful and light, “Oh Miku I’m so happy you’re there!”

The thing is this.

Tohru Honda is special to Yuki and Kyo in a way that Miku thinks she can understand. She makes them light up, makes them smile and makes them happy. She makes them laugh and makes them light like they’re floating on air. Miku doesn’t want to be selfish like that jealous God that had talked about once, doesn’t want to cage them up and keep them for herself and doesn’t want to make them unhappy.

Miku loves Yuki and Kyo, and if Tohru Honda makes them happy, then Miku wants to love Tohru too.

And to be honest, it’s really really easy when it’s Tohru Honda.

Miku spends a long time on the phone with Tohru Honda, giggling with her and telling her all kinds of things about her day, about her happiest memories and her favorite things like her bike, like the flowers she helped Yuki grow or the rice balls she gets to make with Kyo. Miku tells her about learning how to stand with her feet planted and her knees bent, she tells her about learning how to make books better, how to bind them back together and how to make them well again.

They talk for a long time and Miku swats at Kyo when he tries to take the phone and tells him to wait his turn and grins with all teeth when Yuki laughs at Kyo’s face.

Tohru tells Miku she’s happy Miku is back, that Yuki and Kyo were so lonely without her and it makes something clench in MIku’s chest, almost makes her want to cry because Miku feels like maybe that was her fault too, for being selfish and jealous like that God. She doesn’t tell Tohru this but she thinks maybe Tohru caught on anyway.

“They missed you,” Tohru says, “that means that they love you, Miku. Don’t feel bad, okay?”

“Okay,” Miku says, her voice a little wobbly as Yuki and Kyo look up from their place at the table, worried at the sudden change in Miku’s voice.

“Don’t tell them I said this,” Tohru Honda says, “But I’m placing them in your care, okay Miku? And if you ever need to talk, you can always talk to me.”

“Tohru,” Miku says then, that something in her chest loosening up until Miku too, feels like she’s walking on air, “Tohru I love you.” she says, meaning it with all her heart.

“Oh,  _ Miku, _ ” Tohru breathes, her own voice going wobbly, “Oh Miku I love you too!”

They cry together on the phone until Kyo and Yuki quickly get up and hastily ask what’s wrong, their faces frantic and Miku couldn’t help it, her feelings felt like they were too big for her body and so she throws herself at them.

See here’s the thing.

They’ve never hugged Miku before.

They give her pats on the head, little nudges here and there, and they take her hand all the time, help pick her off the ground when she falls and even pull her along when she ventures too far from their sights when she wants to cause mischief (and it’s always a wonder when they always seem to just  _ know _ ) but they’ve never hugged her.

Mama and Papa don’t either so it never bothered Miku that Yuki and Kyo didn’t either.

So when she goes to throw her arms around them, they almost seem to flinch in panic and it’s too late to take it back, because Miku is still little compared to them and isn’t in full control of her body yet, or at least that’s what Kyo said when Miku’s legs felt like jelly when he was teaching her to sit still for a really long time with her back straight and her knees folded under her.

She stumbles, when she tries to move away at the last minute, throwing herself sideways and that only makes their eyes go wider because the floor was coming up to meet her really really fast.

Only she doesn’t hit the ground.

She doesn’t hit the ground at all.

Quick as lighting, a hand grabs onto her arm and sharply tugs her back forward.

Miku’s eyes are wide and Kyo’s arms are very very long because they wrap all the way around her and pull her so close to his chest that she can hear his heart beating away like drums. He’s stiff, his eyes and teeth clenched shut, his face pinched as if he was waiting for something terrible to happen. He’s so still, clutching Miku to his chest that Miku is a little scared he may have turned into stone.

Only she knows that would have been impossible because Kyo is so warm and soft and Yuki breathes out so suddenly, like he was relieved and Kyo doesn’t let her go right away, he unfreezes a little and reaches one hand up to cradle Miku’s head where it’s pressed to Kyo’s chest.

“Are you okay?” Kyo croaks like the frogs that Miku finds in the grass after it rains as Yuki moves to pick up the fallen phone, speaking gently to Tohru as he watches them.

“Kyo,” Miku says, “Kyo, you’re hugging me.”

“Yeah,” Kyo mumbles, finally pulling back to look Miku in the eye, that pinched look smoothing out just a little bit more, “Yeah I am.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think!
> 
> [Come hang out with me!](https://fashionredalert.tumblr.com)


	3. Wishing Well

I had a dream  
I got everything I wanted  
Not what you'd think  
And if I'm being honest

It might've been a nightmare

Everything I Wanted– Billie Eilish

Don't overthink it  
Let it go and try to trust the feeling  
You know it in your gut you're healing  
From every time that you've been hurt before  
I see it, I see it

Better Not– Louis the Child

/./././././

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_ “Don’t go,” Akito shrieks, three days before graduation, “Don’t go, don’t go, don’t go!” _

_ He clutches at Kyo, digs his hands into Kyo’s shirt, pulls and pulls and Kyo stumbles along, stupefied and dumbfounded as Akito’s chest heaves, hysterical with his face white as a sheet as Kyo’s beads lay scattered all around their feet. _

_ “Don’t go!” Akito continues to scream as Kyo’s lungs begin to swell, tears falling down his cheeks as the cat says it’s last goodbye to it’s God before finally, finally resting. _

_ “Don’t go,” Akito sobs, nails digging in through Kyo’s shirt, long nails scrabbling for purchase and drawing blood as he tries to pull Kyo closer, “Don’t leave, stay, stay, stay.” _

_ It felt something like a rope fraying and then snapping, something like being set free. Like there's _ _ something severed between them now, something broken and laid to rest, something that no longer clutches Kyo's throat and steals his words, his breath, his strength. He's turned to stone, cold and unmoved as Akito screams, as Akito wails at the broken curse that left Kyo's bones unchanged, left his body whole and untwisted as the beads were ripped from his wrist as the curse of the angry cat broke.  _

_ "Don't go," Akito's voice breaks, "Please don't go." _

/././././

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_ “If you go, I’ll put Yuki in your place.” Akito says when Kyo doesn't react, when Kyo pulls Akito's hands away from him. Akito's eyes darker than Kyo had ever seen them, red-rimmed and wild as Kyo had tried to turn away from him to leave. “You hear me? You stupid cat? I’ll put him in your cage if you try to leave.” _

_ Akito falls to his knees and picks up a few stray beads and squeezes them in his pale hand as Kyo’s heart drops to his feet. _

_ “You may think you escaped your fate, but you're wrong,” Akito hisses, “Yuki still belongs to me, **all** the zodiacs still belong at my side– but you– you abomination–” _

_ Akito flings the beads at Kyo, “You can never escape me, if you even try, it will be Yuki and that **bitch** that’ll suffer for all of your sins, you can be sure of that.” _

/././././

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_ Here’s the thing _ , Kyo says to Miku,  _ You can hug me all you like, but you can't hug Yuki, okay _ ? He says in the same tone of voice he uses when he shows Miku how to pant her feet and bend her knees, when he teaches her to sit for a really long time with her back straight and her chin raised high.

They sit together in the living room and there's this sort of sad look on Yuki's face that makes Miku want to hug him even more, but she stays put, and instead she offers her hand for Yuki to take. It's all Miku knows that she’s allowed to offer, since Yuki and Kyo said she couldn’t hug him like she can Kyo.

"Are you sick?" Miku asks.

“Something like that,” Yuki says as he gently takes her hand in his, running his thumb across the back of her hand, “but Kyo isn’t. You can hug him all you like, he’s just not used to it so you have to warn him before you do it. You know how scared he gets sometimes.”

“Like a cat!” Miku grins with all teeth as Kyo gapes at her while Yuki bursts out laughing, giving Miku’s hand a gentle squeeze.

“Exactly,” Yuki says, grinning back with all teeth, “Like a grumpy old cat.”

After that, it’s almost like things get easier, almost like they crossed an invisible wall that Kyo tried to build, one that went around and around and around.

_ It’s a good thing _ , Miku says later that day,  _ that I’m really good at climbing walls, isn’t it, Yuki? _

Miku feels lighter then, lighter than she had in a long long time and they spend the rest of the day like that, Miku following Kyo around and chatting away while holding Yuki’s hand. When she thinks about it all, about jealous Gods and cages and being so sick you couldn’t even get a hug from your favorite people (and Miku  _ knows  _ she’s a favorite), it makes Miku’s heart swell, makes her bottom lip wobble a bit and makes her look up at Yuki’s small smile and reach out to grasp Kyo’s sleeve, to tug and ask very quietly, if she could give him a hug now please.

She almost expects him to say no, because it was time for her to go home and Kyo always gets worried that it was getting late and dark outside, which sometimes makes him grouchy to get Miku home but Miku wanted more time with them, wanted one more hug for the day.

“C’mere,” Kyo says, turning and holding out his arms wide, “it’s getting dark out, and I can't let you go home alone.”

It makes a smile stretch across Miku’s face and she squeezes Yuki’s hand one more time for good measure before flinging herself at Kyo, laughing when an  _ oof  _ leaves his mouth when she does it.

“This hug is for you too,” Miku says with her face buried into Kyo’s stomach, “I’m squeezing extra hard, do you see Yuki?”

“I see it,” Yuki says.

Miku hears him walk closer and can feel him stand just behind her. She feels him run a hand through her messy hair and she giggles when he kisses the top of her head.

“Sorry,” Yuki says, his voice sounding a little airy, like he was kind of out of breath, “Sorry, I couldn’t help it, you both looked so cute.”

“Hey,” Miku hears Kyo say, “who you callin cute, you girly boy?”

They stay like that for a while, Yuki and Kyo squabbling with Miku’s arms still wrapped around Kyo’s waist until suddenly, Kyo bends to scoop her up into his arms when her eyes begin to droop and her arms begin to sag a little.

“You sneak,” Kyo tells her, “you sneak, it’s so late out. It’s too dark for you to walk home alone.”

Miku grins at him when he rolls his eyes at her and tells her she’s getting too cheeky, that she needed to stop picking up Yuki’s trashy habits and she giggles when Yuki makes an affronted noise as they walk to the door together, Kyo slipping on his shoes with Miku still in his arms, and Yuki bending down to collect Miku’s shoes after putting his own on too.

They walk out the door together, down the steps and to the front gate, Kyo waiting patiently as Yuki opens it and closes it behind them like he did with the front door.

Miku is happy, in that very moment, in Kyo’s arms with Yuki walking closely beside them, once in a while reaching up to stroke Miku’s back, or to smooth her hair, or even to sneakily stroke the skin on the back of Kyo’s hand, when they both think she isn’t looking. She’s happy to hear them talk and talk and talk, about Tohru, or about the book Yuki was fixing or about the weeds that refuse to go away no matter _how_ many times Yuki continues to pull them out time and time again.

_ I don’t want to go back, _ Miku wants to say as they get closer to her house,  _ I don’t want to go back to where it’s so quiet. _

But she stays silent because she doesn’t want to be selfish, doesn’t want to put that on Yuki and Kyo because that wouldn’t be fair. So instead when they reach her house Kyo gently puts her down and Yuki strokes the top of her head, right where he laid a kiss and Miku tells them that she missed them, that she promises to never stay away for so long again.

Kyo’s mouth tugs into a smile at the corners and they hold her hand all the way to the front door where Yuki knocks until Papa opens it up.

He’s quiet as Yuki and Kyo bow, quiet when Yuki apologizes for keeping Miku so late and is quiet when they tell Miku to come back soon, that there is still work to be done in the garden and that they’ll be waiting for her to come by.

Papa is quiet when Miku says goodnight and when they say it back, quiet when they go back into the house and quiet when he shuts the door behind them as Miku takes off her shoes. It’s strange really, because usually Papa makes more noise than Mama, hums and talks more than she does and Miku wonders, if maybe Mama told Papa about the things that Miku had said.

“Miku,” Papa finally says, just as Miku says goodnight and moves to climb the stairs, “Miku, did you have fun today?”

It’s a strange question and it’s so out of place because Papa had never asked that before, had never asked Miku about her day or even asked if she ever had fun when she used to play outside by herself when Mama and Papa were working and Yuki and Kyo were still strangers she used to see when she’d pedal by on her bike. It makes her blink in confusion, makes her a little wary because she wonders what it is that Papa has on his mind, wonders what he’s thinking and thinks that maybe Mama really  _ had  _ told Papa everything.

“Papa,” Miku says, “Papa, I love them.”

Miku thinks, in this very moment, that maybe she should have said something different. Maybe she should have said something simple, like  _ I had fun, _ or something like  _ it was just a regular old day _ , even though it really isn’t because any day with Yuki and Kyo were days of adventure, days of happiness and days of mystery. Days with Yuki and Kyo now mean short moments with Tohru Honda on the phone, days with secrets between them, hugs with Kyo and held hands with Yuki.

“Oh,” Papa says, quietly, “oh.”

“Papa,” Miku says, “Papa, I didn’t mean to make you and Mama sad.”

Papa reaches up and adjusts his glasses, like he does when Miku sees him nervous about work, and wonders if maybe that’s why he and Mama have been so quiet lately, wonders if maybe it's her fault, maybe she’s distracting them with her thoughts and her worries.

Papa doesn’t say anything and Miku eventually tells him goodnight when he stays quiet for a long time, and tells him to have sweet dreams, even though he doesn’t say it back, and climbs up the stairs and into her room.

When she gets ready for bed, she wonders what Yuki and Kyo would do if Miku ever spent the night at their house, wonders if they’d come into her room and tuck her in at night, like she sees parent’s do on the tv. Wonders if they’d give her kisses on the forehead and wonders if they’d tell her to have sweet dreams, that they would see her in the morning when she woke up.

Miku wonders what she and Kyo would make for breakfast, fantasizes about making eggs with furikake, if they’d boil them or fry them, if they’d have rice balls then too with ikura or uni, if they’d make something small or something big.

As Miku falls asleep she wonders if Yuki and Kyo would even  _ want  _ her there, every day and every night and really really hopes that somewhere, deep down, that they really really do.

She hopes with all her heart, that they love her too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think!
> 
> [Come hang out with me!](https://fashionredalert.tumblr.com)


	4. Walking on Air

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not gonna lie, I struggled with this one but I hope you enjoy it all the same!

I will not kiss you  
'Cause the hardest part of this  
Is leaving you.

Cancer– cover by Twenty One Pilots

/././././

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_ “Marry me,” Yuki says, his words echoing in the air the night of their graduation, his voice a little unsteady but true after he led Kyo away from their family and friends. Away from a weeping Tohru, embraced by her friends now that they all finally graduated. His hands were sweaty and clammy and his face was red and Kyo’s mind went blank at his words. _

_ “Marry me,” Yuki says again, his voice gaining strength. _

_ Kyo looks down at their clasped hands, takes in the way Yuki’s skin seemed to almost glow in the moonlight, so pale and delicate looking compared to Kyo’s. _

_ He thinks about them, in that one solitary moment in the still night of their graduation, that one moment that was all about them and only them. _

_ Kyo thinks about late nights, curled up against each other, low whispered sounds and soft caresses. He thinks about early mornings, right as the sun rises. Waking up tangled in warm sheets in the arms of the one he loved the most. He thinks about those soft, gentle kisses, about those searching hands that pull Kyo back into bed whenever he tries to quietly leave for his jogs without waking Yuki first. _

_ He thinks about having those moments for the rest of his life. _

_**Yes** , Kyo would have said in that moment,  **yes I’ll marry you** . _

_ On his left hand, the beads of blood and brittle bone sat, restrung and put back on, dull and oh so heavy on his flesh. _

_ “No.” Kyo says, his voice hollow as the lies he continued to spew for the past couple of days after his curse broke before Akito’s very eyes. The lies that went around and around like the wall Kyo was desperately trying to build, to keep himself in and everyone else out. _

_ It was painful, as it always was. Turning his face away from Yuki’s searching kisses at the last second, shrugging him off and passing Yuki’s room without a second glance and saying nothing when Yuki would creep into Kyo's room late at night. He doesn’t move to accommodate him when Yuki would slip under the covers with him, wouldn’t say anything as Yuki would try to cuddle closer, hand and fingers searching, looking for a way into his space, into his warmth, into his embrace. _

_ He kept to his silence and stuck to his lies, just kept touching the restrung brittle bones and blood around his wrist instead of caressing the skin of Yuki’s hands with gentle fingers like Kyo always loved to do. _

_ It helped to remind Kyo of what was most important, and what wasn’t. _

_ “No.” Kyo says again, stronger this time. _

_ Yuki’s face falls, he blinks rapidly, like he was trying to make sense of the world and Kyo sees the way his heart begins to tear and tear and tear and Kyo wants to shout, wants to say I’m sorry, wants to say anything other than that one word. But it’s all Kyo has, it's the only word that will stop Yuki in his tracks, that’ll knock him clear of this–this–  **fantasy** that Kyo hadn’t fully realized he was carrying, what Kyo hadn’t realized Yuki had been holding onto, had been looking towards with such hope. _

_ It strikes him then, the world unfolding and revealing secrets of what sort of things Yuki had been carrying around in his head, in his heart. It makes Kyo want to cry out, makes him want to scream because fantasies don’t ever become reality. Especially for people like them.  _

_ Because in the end, wasn’t this all that it was? Some kind of fantasy? A fairy-tale that they were stupidly trying to live? Late nights and early mornings, kisses, caresses, searching hands and bones that ache to be held. _

_ Kyo swallows, and slowly pulls his hands from Yuki’s. _

_ “Oh,” Yuki breathes with his eyes fixated on their outstretched hands as Kyo slowly pulls further away until all that’s left is Yuki’s, grasping at thin air. “Oh, okay. That's– that’s okay, you don’t–I shouldn’t have asked now. It’s too soon, I–” _

_ He folds his hands in and clenches them before reaching out to Kyo again. _

_ “Kyo– I–” _

_ There’s a shift in the air, something Kyo can't feel anymore but he can see. It’s in the way Yuki freezes up, the way his face grows impossibly pale, the way his eyes go wide and the way he almost seems to struggle to breathe. _

_ It makes Kyo’s own lungs almost seize, makes his stomach churn and his bones tremble. A learned reaction, no matter if he was cursed or not. _

_ He slowly turns, even when Yuki reaches for him, and quietly begs him not to. _

_ Behind him, with eyes red rimmed and dark like some sort of demon, Akito stands, face twisted in cold fury. _

_ “No,” Kyo whispers again, his voice trembling, “No.” _

/././././

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“You’re such a brat,” Kyo yells with his eye twitching as Miku shrieks and tries to dodge his hands, shoving the rest of her stolen snack into her mouth as Yuki laughs and laughs.

“We’ve been discovered!” Yuki says as Miku dodges left, then right before Kyo finally gets his hands on her.

“It’s too late!” Miku screams in delight as he lifts her over his shoulder, “It’s too late I’ve eaten it!”

“You’ve spoiled your lunch you little– how did you even manage to sneak that one? It was on the top shelf–” Kyo stops abruptly, his eyes landing on Yuki.

Yuki who smiles innocently and points at himself, like he was saying,  _ who me? _

“Oh,” Kyo breathes while Miku giggles in delight when he moves to dump her on the couch, “Oh you’re in for it  _ now  _ you rat bastard!”

They spend the next couple of days like that, in Yuki and Kyo’s home with Miku giggling and shrieking in laughter, following them around and around, watching them squabble, watching them work and watching them frown at the clock as it ticks by and as the sun creeps lower and lower.

They insist on walking her home, even though Miku tells them again and again that they don't have to, that she has her bike and is really really fast. So fast in fact, that the dog from down the street can’t even catch her.

“Dog?” Kyo says in that tone that he uses whenever Miku tells him about the times Maito from down the other side of the street would steal her pencils and hide her crayons when they went to school together. His face would get pinched again and his cheeks would get red and his mouth would turn down at the corners and his teeth would clench and Yuki always pats him on the shoulder and would smile wider at Miku and say something like,  _ If Maito ever does something like that again you’ll be sure to tell us, right Miku? _

If Miku was being honest, Miku would say that it’s Yuki that scares her a little more than Kyo, because Kyo is loud and huffy and puffy and would give Miku noogies and lecture her about not letting some snot nose kid get the better of her. But Yuki? Yuki gets quiet, not as quiet as her Mama and Papa, but a different quiet, like the beginning of a really really bad storm, the kind that crackles and snaps, with lightning streaking across the sky like a whip.

He stays like that for a bit, before Kyo nudges him and gives him a look and suddenly it’s like the sun comes out and the rain clouds and thunder and lightning goes away. He takes Miku’s hands and kisses her on the head again and tells her in gentle tones, with a smile that’s all teeth, that that Maito kid better watch out.

It makes Miku smile back with all her teeth too, even though she’s missing a couple and promises that no way was Maito gonna mess with her things this year.

When Miku tells Tohru this, Tohru laughs and laughs but makes sure Miku promises to tell if Maito ever takes or hides her things again.

“Because we don’t want anything to happen to you Miku,” Tohru says, “Yuki and Kyo worry about you so that Maito boy better watch out!”

“Not you too Tohru!” Miku laughs.

“Oh yes!” Tohru says as she giggles, “Me too!”

/./././././

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Miku begs and begs and begs Mama to wake her up  _ extra _ early the next night after Yuki and Kyo drop her back off at home, apologizing over and over because Miku is covered in dirt and her shoes are caked in mud and that’s why Kyo carried her all the way up to the front door this time. Yuki right behind them, sheepish with Miku’s mud-caked shoes in his hands.

_ We were gardening, _ Miku had explained to her silent Mama as soon as the door opened to her cool face,  _ we were gardening and I pushed Kyo into the mud because he was unprepared for an attack, even though he  _ **_always_ ** _ tells me  _ **_I_ ** _ should always be prepared.  _ Miku pauses.  _ And also because he was complaining really really loud that he shouldn’t have to help with this girly shi– _

_ Miku!  _ Kyo said really really loudly, face red and pinched and it makes Yuki’s face twist and Miku knows now that it does that whenever he’s trying really really hard not to laugh.

Yuki turns his face away and coughs into his hand before turning back to smile at Mama and talks about what a big help Miku was, he says that he hopes Miku can come back really soon because the leeks will be ready to pick soon and there’s so  _ many  _ of them. So many in fact, that that's all they'll be eating for the next couple of weeks.

Mama hums as Kyo whips his head around to glare at Yuki and Miku giggles as Papa comes around the corner to take Miku’s shoes from Yuki and gives them a tight smile and says something like  _ I’m glad to know she wasn’t a bother to you two. She can be a bit too much sometimes. _

This makes Kyo frown a little, and Yuki’s eyes get a little narrower before he smiles back with more teeth than before and says  _ Miku wasn’t a bother at all. She’s perfect, and she’s always welcome in our home. _

Kyo’s arms tighten around Miku in that moment, and Yuki steps closer to them and lays a hand on Miku’s shoulders and suddenly, Miku wasn’t so sure that they’d set her down if they could help it. It’s a little odd, but it makes Miku’s tummy feel all warm and light even as Mama hums and Papa adjusts his glasses, the way that he does when figuring out a problem on his computer screen.

The air suddenly feels heavy and it makes Miku shift and wiggle until Kyo breathes out and gently sets her down onto her bare feet on the genkan.

She stands there for a second and stays quiet and watches Mama and Papa watch Yuki and Kyo. She knows there’s something happening in that moment, something she doesn’t understand but maybe one day will. Kyo’s face is pinched, like it was before, like maybe something was creeping into his heart, and Yuki’s face is sharp in ways Miku hasn’t seen before. Miku thinks and thinks and thinks and she reaches out to tug at them, gently, even though all she really really wants to do is give them a hug.

Yuki and Kyo look down at her, and they both give her a small smile, and suddenly it’s like the air got lighter, like maybe Miku and Yuki and Kyo could walk on air again.

On the heels of that came the thought of those words,  _ always welcome in our home _ , that strike something deep in Miku’s heart, in a hopeful way that makes her want to run and pick up the phone and tell Tohru all about it.

It was that moment that an idea strikes Miku, and she was so excited with it that she all but pushes Yuki and Kyo out of the door, and tells them that she need to get cleaned for bed, that it was getting late and that they’d better be ready for tomorrow when she comes over because there was still lots to do for a brand new day that wasn’t there yet.

Their eyes go wide and Kyo opens his mouth like he’s going to say something before Miku grins at him with all teeth and quickly shuts the door before anything could come out.

Miku begs and begs and begs Mama to wake her up extra early after she washes and gets dressed for bed all on her own. Miku tells Mama that she has lots and lots of things she needs to do with Yuki and Kyo and so far, the time she’s been spending with them is  _ way  _ too short. Mama gives Miku a long look, the kind that she gives whenever Miku asks for things like a pony or a snake or a plane or a magic frog.

It makes Miku’s heart beat hard in her chest, like maybe she shouldn’t have asked or said anything. But then she plants her feet and breathes deep, the way Kyo had shown her and gives her Mama a wide smile with all teeth like Yuki does.

Mama looks away and hums, quiet and still, like she was stuck in time and wasn’t going to do anything about it any time soon and Miku knows a yes when she hears and sees it.

She skips up to her room, like she’s walking on air and settles down for bed with Yuki’s voice echoing in her head.

_ Always welcome in our home. _

/././././././

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When Mama wakes her up Miku almost gives up on her idea, it’s really really early and Miku just wants  _ sleep _ . The sun is hardly even up and Miku feels a little like maybe she should have never come up with this idea in her head in the first place.

Mama just looks at her and leaves Miku’s room soon after she turns Miku’s light on.

Miku gives a mighty heave and shoves herself out of bed and down the hallway into the wash room and bleary starts to get ready by washing her face in really really cold water like Kyo says he does when he needs extra help getting up early in the morning. It made Miku giggle when Yuki’s face scrunched up, almost like he smelt something really really bad when Kyo said this and Kyo had rolled his eyes when Yuki pretended to gag.

It gives Miku strength now and she almost shrieks when the first splash of cold water hits her face.

She understands now, why Yuki’s face did what it did.

But it does do the trick and suddenly she has a lot more energy than she did before, it spurs her on and she barrels down the hallway and back into her room to get dressed. She looks into the mirror and frowns at her hair before pulling it into a ponytail, it’s messy but Miku knows Yuki and Kyo wouldn’t care. Once she does this she calls down the hallway that she was going now, and would be back later. She pauses for a moment, trying to see if she hears them calling back to her but is met with silence instead. She shrugs it off and continues on her way, pulls on her second pair of shoes, her favorite with it’s sparkly Hello Kitty faces and opens the front door. She grabs her bike that leans against the fence and hops on, pedals as fast as she can just as the sun comes up, trying to make it to Yuki and Kyo’s house quickly, already knowing Kyo wouldn’t be happy that she was out by herself before the sun was fully up.

When she gets there she hops over the fence, past the potted plants and up the small steps and slams their front door open, breathing in deep and bellowing their names at the top of her lungs.

There’s a crash, like something broke and Miku giggles, gleeful at the thought of surprising them so early in the morning. Miku shuts the door behind herself and quickly removes her shoes, excited to find out Yuki and Kyo’s early morning routine. She wonders if they’re the kind that love to drink coffee or tea to get the day started, or the type that likes to hang out and watch cartoons in their pajamas. She knows that Yuki likes to sleep in and knows that Kyo likes to do exercises in the early morning, but it’s the time before that that Miku is curious about. The time where the world is still sleeping around them, the time where even the birds aren’t awake to sing yet.

Miku skips down the hall and towards the room that holds all the noise and goes to open the door before Kyo’s voice calls out–

“ _ Shit _ , hold on Miku!” His muffled voice sounds panicked and out of air and Miku moves her head to the side, curious. 

“Kyo? What's going on?” Miku asks.

“ _ Don’t _ open that door!” Kyo yelps like he did that one time Miku almost walked in on him when he forgot to lock the door to the bathroom.

Miku presses her ear to the door and she hears a lot of thuds and shuffling and hears his voice, out of breath and rushed, and a weird tapping noise, almost like he was clapping, or tapping against someone’s skin. 

Miku hears Kyo whispering something like, “Yuki, Yuki you have to wake up,  _ holy shit.” _ There’s more shuffling around and it sounds almost like something big was tossed onto the bed because the springs make a really loud noise, like the kind of noise Miku’s bed makes when she jumps up and down on it before Papa tells her not to.

“Kyo?” Miku calls out again, “Kyo, is Yuki in there with you?”

“Oh my God,” Kyo calls out, “Oh my God, just–”

The door suddenly opens but before she can see anything, Kyo blocks her sight by putting his hands on her shoulders, kicking the door closed behind himself and all but dragging her back down the hall and into the living room. He’s red faced and out of breath and Miku is almost worried he’s sick with the way he was sweating before Miku’s eyes narrow and she takes in the way he fidgets with his clothes, the way his shirt was backwards and inside out.

“Hey,” Miku accuses, “were you and Yuki doing training exercises  _ without  _ me?”

It should seem impossible, but Kyo’s face gets even more red and if Miku wasn’t so offended she would have been excited to see if steam came out of his ears.

As it is, his face is pinched and sweaty, redder than the reddest thing Miku has ever seen in her entire life and now that Miku knows they’ve been doing secret training without her, she’s not even the smallest bit of sorry that she showed up so early.

_ Clearly  _ she needed to show up even earlier than she did today .

“Oh my god,” Kyo wheezes, like he was embarrassed.

Good, Miku almost says with a pout.

“I hope this is a lesson for you,” Miku says, turning up her nose like she’s seen Yuki do wherever Kyo says or does something stupid, “Always be prepared for the unexpected! I can't believe you don’t even follow your own rules! For shame!”

“ _ Oh my god _ ,” Kyo says again, hands flying to his face and hiding behind them as Miku continues to let him have it.

"I'm disappointed in you," Miku says, stumbling over the big word. She huffs and puffs before she pauses and takes in the way Kyo almost seems to whimper and shake like the puppy from down the street, the one that barks and yips and chases the stray cats.

Miku blinks and worries that maybe using the big disappointed word may have been too mean. She reaches out to tug the corner of Kyo's inside out shirt.

“Kyo? I’m sorry, I was just kidding,” Miku says a bit softer, thinking that maybe she was being too mean, she was only teasing, like the way she sees Yuki do every now and then, just to get Kyo riled up long enough for Miku to steal a treat for them both to share down the hall out of Kyo’s watchful eyes.

Kyo breathes deep before he peaks one eye out between his fingers to squint at her before removing his hands, his face still redder than the reddest thing Miku has ever seen in her life. He clears his throat, and stands up a little straighter and puts his hands on his hips and raises a twitching eyebrow at Miku.

“Promise?” Kyo asks.

“Yes,” Miku says quietly, folding into herself little by little and looking to the ground until Kyo breathes out and puts a hand on her head and pats her.

“If you’re just kidding then it’s okay,” Kyo says with a smile, the red slowly going away. “I’m glad you’re here,” he says.

Miku’s head jerks up and stares at him in shock. “You are?” she asks breathlessly.

“Of course,” he says, his pinched mouth turning up at the corners, “You can help me make breakfast. That lazy bum never gets up in time to help me. Well,” he pauses, "not like he'd be much help anyway."

Miku’s face breaks out into a big grin and she takes Kyo’s hand and tugs him towards the kitchen, her steps light, like she was walking on air.

He pulls out the brand new stool he always tells her he bought for the house and not specifically for her (even though it’s just the right height and even has her name written on tape that’s stuck to the underside of the handle) and sets it up near the counter so that she can stand on it and help him crack and whip the eggs.

“Oh, Kyo,” Miku says then, her eyes noticing something.

“Yeah?” Kyo grunts, holding out two more eggs for her to grab so that she could crack them open into the bowl.

“You have something on your neck,” Miku says before she takes the eggs, “I think you might have gotten it when you and Yuki were training this morning before I got here.”

She blinks when Kyo drops the eggs and slams a hand over his neck and turns beet red like before. He makes a sound similar to the old tea kettle Mama sometimes uses when she’s had a hard day and it makes Miku turn her head to the side curiously and stare as he jerks back and struggles for air.

“Maybe you two shouldn’t train for a while,” Miku says gravely, “you did tell me that too much training could make you tired and being tired makes you clumsy and being clumsy makes you–”

“ _ Oh my god,” _ Kyo squawks like the parrot Miku sees on the tv during afternoon cartoons and watches him stumble and flail around.

It makes her giggle when he slips on the broken eggs he had dropped and doesn’t even feel a little bit sorry when he curses, catching himself with one hand on the counter and still holding onto his neck with the other.

“Does it hurt?” Miku asks curiously as she tries to reach for the carton of eggs that were leaning dangerously over the edge of the counter, “it’s really red, did Yuki do that to you?”

“ _ Yuki!” _ Kyo shrieks at the top of his lungs, exploding just as Miku jumps and drops the rest of the eggs onto the floor.

“Oops.”she says with an innocent smile.

/./././././

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	5. Learning to Grow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait! Make sure to check out the art link at the end of this chapter!

I tried to scream  
But my head was underwater  
They called me weak  
Like I'm not just somebody's daughter

Everything I wanted– Billie Eilish

/././././

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_ He wakes up without a memory, without air in his lungs but with a mind full of thoughts that he refused to let go. It echoes with each and every heartbeat, each forceful inhale and each ragged exhale. _

**_Get up._ **

**_Get up._ **

_ His mind buzzes and buzzes like the cascadas that drone on and on all summer long, like the sound of an alarm that he can’t seem to turn off. There is sweat dripping from his body even though he feels like he’s freezing, as though he were doused in ice cold water while standing outside in the frigid snow. _

**_I won’t let them take you._ **

_ He gasps when a damp towel dabs at his forehead, it makes him tremble and when his eyes open and he sees her at his side, tears streaming down her face and hands shaky as she struggles to help him up. It’s excruciating but he forces himself to move when she tugs at him urgently, and whispers at him that they have to hurry, that they don't have a lot of time, that this will be their only chance. _

_**Tohru** **,** Yuki’s mind echoes,  **Tohru.** _

_ He struggles to his feet as she frets, and finds strength in the way her face sets into something serious and stern, in the way she helps him dress. She throws a sweater over his head and rubs his arms to try and warm him up and there isn’t the time for it, but she does it anyway. _

_ The sweater is a bit baggy, and is nothing like something he’d normally wear and she smiles sheepishly and says  **it’s Kyo’s, sorry, it was all I could grab at the time.** _

_ It’s that name, Kyo, that something within him shifts, something that he kept all to himself, and it makes his own smile bloom across his face like some love struck fool despite the unforgiving circumstances of this night. _

_ It’s that feeling in his chest, that makes him open his mouth, makes the words slip from his tongue so easily. He tells her because he wants to, because it’s a feeling that is so deeply ingrained into his soul now that it makes him feel light and happy, even though his heart aches and aches because Kyo said  **no.** _

_**I love him,** Yuki says to Tohru, feeling raw and exposed,  **I love him.** _

_ Tohru gives him a watery smile, and says  **I know, Yuki, I know.** She takes his hands into hers and she squeezes and squeezes with all her might as she says **I want you to know I’m proud of you and I’ll support you no matter what.** _

_ Maybe it’s because his head still feels a little like it’s scrambled, or maybe it’s because he’s standing here in this dark room where all his monsters and fears fed from him for years, but the fact of the matter is that he’s standing on his own two feet, wearing Kyo’s red sweater and looking into Tohru’s eyes and feeling more powerful than he’s ever before. _

_**Thank you,** he says to Tohru,  **Thank you.** _

_ There are so many thoughts echoing in his brain, images, sounds, memories that he held onto that come back to him now and he lets them lead him and Tohru away from the main house and down an old crumbling path where his heart and soul sat, caged up in a tiny house with crumbling walls. _

_**Kyo** **,** his mind desperately echoes,  **Kyo.** _

_**I won't let them take you.** _

_ So like a thief in the night, when God wasn't looking, like a rat, Yuki stole him away. Had wrenched the old decrepit barred door open and shoved those struggling arms away and gathered that old white yukata in his hands and  heaved . _

_ Drug him flailing and kicking out of that crumbling cage as Tohru pleaded with him _

_**I’ll take you away, somewhere far away, where you can be free.** _

_ They were the only thoughts Yuki had space for in his head at this moment as he drug Kyo from the cage. _

_ Only the biggest error that Yuki could ever have committed, is to assume that God wasn’t watching. _

_ God was always watching. _

_ Always.  _

/./././././

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Yuki comes stumbling into the kitchen a few moments later, looking dazed and confused and Miku giggles at the way his hair is all messy and standing on end. She waves gleefully as Kyo starts screeching at him, his face all red as he grabs at Yuki and puts his face so very close to his as he goes on and on about how it’s all his fault for being a rat bastard, that he just  _ had  _ to chose today of all days to actually wake up early, that he had to chose today of all days to not keep his hands to himself–

Miku slowly gets down from the stool, her eyes trained on him flailing and screaming while Yuki only blinks at Kyo once, twice, then three times before mumbling something like  _ you weren’t complaining at the time.  _ Miku slowly, oh so slowly walks backwards as Kyo’s voice gets even louder at that. His face gets even redder and Yuki just stands there and staggers along each time Kyo tugs at him and when Miku reaches the cabinet, she resists the urge to make a sound of victory. 

She slowly opens the cabinet and deftly steals a treat and hides it quickly, just like Yuki had taught her.

_ Never miss an opportunity, _ Yuki had told her a long time ago.

“–So guess what now asshole,  _ you  _ get to clean up the mess and when you’re done with that  _ you  _ can go to the store and buy more damn eggs!” Kyo yells, abruptly letting go of Yuki’s mangled shirt and shoving him aside.

“Where are you going?” Yuki asks as Kyo stomps out of the kitchen.

“To take a damn shower!” he yells back from down the hall as Miku takes the opportunity to quickly take a few more treats and stuff them into her bulging pockets.

When a door slams shut down the hall Yuki breathes out and seems to sag. He reaches up and rubs at his jaw and when he turns around Miku runs up to him and shows him her spoils. She grins up at him, with all her teeth and that’s when she notices the lump on his head.

“Yuki?” Miku says with a gasp, “Yuki did you fall off the bed and bump your head?”

Yuki gives her a weak smile and he rubs at his jaw again and that’s how Miku notices how red his chin was.

“More liked kicked,” he mumbles before he reaches out and takes one of the stolen snacks.

“Did Kyo kick you?” She asks with wide eyes.

“Well,” Yuki says, opening up the package and handing it to Miku and only turning a little red, “something like that. He didn't do it on purpose, he was just startled.”

Miku ducks her head and bites her lip, because maybe it really  _ wasn’t  _ a good idea, asking Mama to wake her up so early and coming here just as the sun was coming up to surprise them. “I’m sorry, Yuki.” Miku says sadly, “It’s my fault then, for showing up here like I did. I just really love spending the day with you two and I just really really wanted to spend the morning with you guys too.”

Her lip wobbles, and she tries to keep her breathing normal, like Kyo had taught her before Yuki puts his hands on her shoulders and leans down to look her in the eye.

“Don’t ever apologize for something like that,” Yuki says. His eyes don’t move from hers and he makes sure Miku doesn’t look away, almost like he wanted Miku to remember every word that leaves his mouth. It makes Miku’s heart beat a little faster, makes her feel light like air again and makes a smile bloom on her face when he says they love spending time with her, that if they could, they’d spend the whole day with her.

“The whole day?” Miku says with a gasp.

“The whole day.” Yuki says with a smile.

/././/./././

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“Yuki,” Miku says a little later after Yuki takes her by the hand and leads her out of the house and away from the mess in the kitchen with a promise that they’d  _ get to it later _ and down the steps and off down the street to the store that’s only blocks away, “Yuki, I don't think that’s the right one.”

“Oh,” Yuki says, squinting down at the package in his hands, “Do you think he’ll notice?”

Miku takes a moment to look at the wide shelf full of different flavors and different packages and wonders briefly, if maybe going to the store without Kyo was something of a mistake.

“Well,” Miku says slowly, “Maybe if we get one of each? Just to be safe?”

She looks up at Yuki’s face and knows, before she even fully realizes it, that Yuki was probably already thinking the same thing. His lips twitch and he turns to look at her with that smile and Miku is almost glowing with pride when he reaches out and grabs one of each package.

“You know,” Yuki says pointedly as he dumps the packages into the basket he was holding, “with all the cooking you do with Kyo, I would have thought you’d know exactly which ones we would need.”

“You know,” Miku says just as sweetly with all teeth, “with how much you eat his food–”

“Right.” Yuki laughs, “Right, no more arguing with you in the room.”

“Kyo says I’m getting cheeky,” Miku says proudly. 

“He says that like it’s a bad thing,” Yuki huffs while rolling his eyes.

“Ah,” Miku pauses,  _ “is  _ it a bad thing?” She hadn’t thought about it, not for a while at least, and wondered what Mama or Papa would say if she ever spoke to them like this. Wonders if Mama’s lips would twist into a frown, if Papa’s eye brows would turn down, if their faces would go stony like they do any time Miku does something bad.

Miku wonders if this time they’d open their mouths and talk, if maybe this time they’d  _ tell  _ her she was being bad.

“No,” Yuki says then, reaching out to pat her head, “It’s not a bad thing at all.”

“We forgot one,” Miku says instead, looking at the last package they hadn’t grabbed and not at Yuki at all.

“Miku,” Yuki says, his voice a bit stronger, a bit firmer, “Miku it’s not bad at all. Do you understand?” He moves then, one knee to the floor just to be able to look at Miku closer. His eyes are grey, and they are very very big. They look Miku in the eye and Miku almost wants to look away. Mama and Papa never looked Miku in the eye. They never kneel to get a closer look at Miku, they never set the grocery basket on the ground nor do they ever take Miku’s hands into theirs, never let their warmth seep into Miku’s hands.

“Are you sure?” Miku asks quietly, oh so quietly like the rooms that echo in her house with her Mama and Papa. “Are you sure it’s not bad? Are you sure you wouldn’t want me to be quieter?”

“Never,” Yuki says, squeezing a little harder at Miku’s hands, “I’d never want that. I want you to be quiet when you want to be. Mad when you want to be, happy when you want, and sad when you want. It’s not bad at all Miku, you are growing and becoming your own person and sometimes that’s a very scary thing.”

“Does it ever stop being scary?” Miku asks, her chest feeling tight and her lips wobbling with the effort to not cry.

“I’m afraid not,” Yuki says with a calm voice, reaching out to stroke Miku’s messy hair, “But what makes it easier, is when you realize that there are people who love and support you. People who are watching you grow and are excited to see what kind of person you become. People who no matter what want to be there when you’re happy, when you’re sad, even when you’re mad.”

“Yuki,” Miku says with a hitch in her voice as a sob breaks through, “Yuki, I want to hug you.”

“I know,” Yuki says sadly, while still stroking her hair. “I know Miku, I want to hug you too.”

“When you stop being sick,” Miku says, “I’m going to be the first person you hug, okay?”

Yuki smiles and laughs, reaches out to Miku and squeezes her hands extra tight.

/././././

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“Yuki,” Miku says on their way back, the bags crinkling between them as they walk, “We forgot to get the last package on the shelf.”

“Well,” Yuki says with a laugh, “let’s just hope that’s not the one Kyo needed.”

“He’s going to yell at us,” Miku says with a smile, “He’s going to yell and it’s going to be so loud.”

“He should have come with then.” Yuki sniffs. He stops for a second to rummage through the bags to pull out a snack.

“He’s growing!” Miku says grinning as Yuki passes her one.

“Oh?” Yuki grins back.

“I didn’t think he’d ever let you leave the house without him.” Miku says as she takes a bite.

She watches Yuki blink at her, his smile drooping a bit, like he was surprised and Miku wondered if maybe she shouldn't have said that at all. She stops when he stops, and stays quiet when tilts his head, and holds her breath until Yuki lets out an ugly snort.

“You noticed, of course you did.” Yuki says.

“I’m sorry,” Miku says quickly, “I shouldn’t have–”

“It’s okay Miku, really it is. remember what I said earlier?” Yuki asks, “about growing to be your own person and it being a little scary?”

Miku nods her head and watches as he smiles softly, like maybe he was trying to choose his words carefully. It makes Miku think about all the times she pretended to fall asleep, all the times she spent on their couch, warm beneath their blankets and feeling bad because she was lying. She wanted to know about them so badly that she was willing to steal their time and memories when they talked, like a thief, like a jealous God and their curse and their cages.

Taking and taking.

She doesn’t understand it all, and hopes that one day Yuki and Kyo can tell her things on their own, that maybe that’s how she’ll hear the whole story, not because she lies and pretends to fall asleep just so she can hear them talk, but because they want to let her into their world. A world, a past and a future that Miku wants to be a part of. 

Just like Tohru Honda.

“Kyo is scared,” Yuki says slowly, “Kyo is scared and sometimes he forgets that he doesn’t have to be.”

“But why,” Miku asks carefully, “why is Kyo so scared sometimes?”

Yuki breathes in deep, and Miku breathes with him and she wonders if maybe she shouldn’t have asked here, on the sidewalk where anyone can hear. That maybe she shouldn’t have asked when the sun is bright and high in the sky so early in the morning. That maybe she should have asked when they were all in the room together, where they could talk about things. But Miku somehow knows that Kyo wouldn’t want to talk about it, knows that he would get upset and knows that Yuki and Kyo would argue again.

But she can’t help it, she’s always wanted to know more and more about them, ever since the first day she saw them when she was six years old and pedaling by on her bike and she saw them standing in front of the house; Kyo’s face pinched and lips twisted while Yuki stood by him with a tight smile holding a big bag of fertilizer and gently moving empty pots around with his feet looking like two lost boys.

“I got hurt.” Yuki says then, so very very calmly, “I got hurt one day and Kyo thinks it’s his fault. It isn’t though but Kyo won't listen. When we moved here, when we got away, we started to become really really happy, building our home together and sometimes that really scares Kyo.”

“Building your home?” Miku asks.

“Being happy.” Yuki says. “Being happy and then having someone take that away.”

“Oh,” Miku says like she understands, even though she really really doesn’t. It’s a little confusing, but Miku can understand why Kyo would be so scared if Yuki got hurt one day. A shiver goes up her spine and she remembers stolen conversations about jealous gods and their cages. She wonders if that’s who hurt Yuki, if that’s who hurt Kyo too. One thing is for sure, whatever they did, it seemed to really really hurt them both.

She reaches out and takes Yuki’s hand and squeezes. She smiles up at him and tells him that even though she can't hug him, Miku wants him to know that the moment he gets better, she’s going to give him the biggest hug ever.

“Oh Miku,” Yuki breathes, like maybe the words were getting stuck in his throat, “you have no idea how much I would love that.”

It’s that word, love, that makes Miku’s chest swell, makes her breathe in deeper and makes her jut her chin out a little more.

“I’ll protect you,” Miku says proudly, “I’ll protect you both no matter what. And each and every day I’ll help Kyo remember that he doesn’t ever have to be scared again.”

“But you already do,” Yuki says, stopping Miku in her tracks, “Miku, I know you’re still little, but you should know, Kyo is a lot better than he has been in a long long time.”

“Really?” Miku breathes in shock, “really, Yuki?”

“Yes, Miku.” Yuki says with a grin, “just look, he sent us to the store,  _ without him.  _ Look at all the snacks we got!” he shakes the bulging bag in his hand.

“He’s going to be so mad,” Miku giggles when Yuki grins with all his teeth.

“So mad.” he laughs.

/./././././

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	6. This Side of Paradise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Make sure to check out the art work at the end of this chapter!!   
> Hopefully this chapter makes up for the long wait!

I fantasize  
A secret life and place where we hide  
It feels right  
I'll settle on the dust, settle on the dust  
But I've got better luck in my head

This Side of Paradise– Hayley Kiyoko

/./././././

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_ “Run!” Tohru screams as she holds on with all her strength to a flailing Akito, who wouldn’t stop shrieking like the banshees Tohru had heard about in only the most terrifying of ghost stories. This, this was so much worse. _

_ “Take him and run!” Tohru cries out, scrabbling to keep her grip as the clouds overhead beginning to rumble and lightning striking out to cut across the sky. _

_ “Don’t you dare!” Akito shrieks, eyes wild, chest heaving and face pale and movements erratic, “Don’t you dare try to take him!” _

_ “Go!” Tohru screams through her tears, as Kyo struggled with the weight of Yuki in his arms, with the sickening sight of blood racing past his fingers and dribbling down onto the overgrown grass. _

_ "He's mine! Don't you dare–!" _

_ “Go or I’ll never forgive you!” Tohru cries out, heaving with all her strength and sending her and Akito onto the ground, scrambling to get a hold of the bloodied knife first and flinging it away with all her might when she finally grasps it in her hand. _

_ “Kyo!” Yuki coughs, reaching for him as Kyo struggled to get a good grip. _

_ “Fuck–” Kyo’s voice hitched as Yuki’s bloodied hand moves from the wound to wind around Kyo’s right wrist to pull. _

_ “Liar!” Akito screams hysterically, shoving at Tohru, scratching and flailing. “Liar! Liar! Liar!” _

_ “Take him!” Tohru shouts again as Akito gains purchase, striking out with a pale bony hand, quick as lightning to snatch Kyo’s left wrist. _

_ It was almost as though time itself had come to a screeching halt, Tohru’s eyes went wide as Akito’s narrow, lips curling into a ugly snarl with thin, bony fingers winding into the beads and pulling. _

_ There was an audible snap as the string broke away, beads scattering onto the ground. _

_ In the stunned silence, Kyo could only look at Tohru with wide and guilty eyes, frantically shaking his head back and forth, already begging for forgiveness before he could even open his mouth. _

_ Tohru grips at Akito tighter, her shocked, uncomprehending face shifting into something hard and determined as the skies opened up and rain began to pour. _

_ “Go,” Tohru said, a command. _

_ “Go.” _

/./././././

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Later, after Kyo stops yelling about how many bags they brought with so many different kinds of spices and packages and snacks that she and Yuki had guessed at and the mess in the kitchen had been cleared away, Miku stands proudly on her stool next to Kyo. She watches as he mixes the furikake,  _ the wrong flavor,  _ Kyo says with a pointed look at Yuki, into the eggs. Kyo teaches her how to use the chopsticks to roll the eggs and how to prepare the miso. He stands back and lets her prepare the rice all on her own and that’s when Yuki’s words really really hit her. When Kyo’s face lights up and his lips twitch into a smile when the rice comes out perfectly, Miku’s chest swells again and her face feels hot.

It’s something like watching a flower bloom, the way Kyo’s face loses that pinched look when he smiles like that. Like he was proud, like he really was happy.

It’s a look that Miku put on his face all on her own. 

When she turns to look, Yuki’s face is soft too, almost like this was something he’s been waiting to see for a very very long time.

They sit down to eat and Yuki and Kyo argue over the yakizakana while Miku watches, giggling each time Kyo’s voice would get higher each time Yuki teases him a little more, almost like he couldn’t help himself.

It strikes Miku then, how happy she was to spend the morning with them like this. The way Yuki would scold Kyo for putting his elbow on the table and resting his chin in his hand when he finishes eating. The way Kyo would roll his eyes and do nothing to correct it. The way they’d sometimes watch Miku eat, the way Kyo would always make sure she had enough and more on her plate.

After that she helps Yuki with the dishes and giggles when he pretends to splash her. When Kyo scolds them for that Yuki only winks at her, like it was their very own joke each time Kyo grumbles.

When they finish Yuki helps her off the stool, even though he doesn’t have to, and she helps put it away when Yuki ushers her into the living room where Kyo was waiting. Yuki tells Miku he will be right back, that there was something he needed to do. It makes her curious but then Kyo turns on the tv and switches the channel to her favorite show and it’s only fair that she gives Kyo a hug and settles next to him to watch while Yuki moves back down the hall, calling over his shoulder that _ the tomatoes needed to be picked after their show was done. _

Kyo grumbles but he settles deeper into the couch with her and he smiles each time Miku giggles at the show.

She talks and talks through the entire thing and grins when Kyo’s eyes slowly begin to droop, eyelids becoming heavier and heavier until his breathing evens out. She settles even deeper against his side and keeps talking even though he’s already asleep when suddenly, more than ever, she needs to use the bathroom. She sits still for a few beats, trying to listen for any footsteps down the hall. She considers shaking Kyo awake to tell him she had to use the potty, but took one look at his unpinched face and thought better of it.

She slowly inches off the couch and steps light as air towards the bathroom when she hears a clatter from down the hall. At first Miku shrugs and thinks nothing of it, maybe it was Yuki gathering the things they needed so they could pick the tomatoes for later today. She almost continues on her way when there is another clatter and a sigh and it sparks something within Miku, something playful and devious. She smiles wide and thinks to herself that it would be funny to startle Yuki too, afterall, Kyo was dozing on the couch and would be too far to kick Yuki in the face this time. 

She creeps down the hall and up to the door that Kyo wouldn’t let her see into that morning and breathes in deep, her chest swelling with air, reaching for the door handle and swiftly opening it, preparing to shout ‘Surprise!’.

Only the words don’t come.

They stay stuck in her throat, the air turning heavy in her lungs.

Yuki hadn’t noticed her, and he stood in the middle of the room, moving a pile of books aside with his foot as he pulled a shirt over his head and right there, against his side was a scar.

Miku quickly shuts the door and tries to be quiet like a mouse, shuffling back down the hall to the bathroom. She enters and locks the door behind herself.

She leans heavily with her back against the door and slides down to sit on the floor when her legs feel too weak to hold her up anymore.

She thinks and thinks and thinks and this overwhelming feeling of fear and sadness overtakes her when she thinks about Yuki saying that he got hurt. That he got hurt and Kyo thinks it’s all his fault.

The scar was big and scary, a jagged line across his side and Miku doesn’t think she wants to imagine what it looked like when it was fresh. She’s seen glimpses in horror movies, the scary kind that Ikku made her watch one time afterschool on his phone. She's heard even scarier stories from Maito.

She stares at her knees, stares at all the brightly colored band-aids and tries to reign in her breath, but the small scabs and still healing cuts from falling off her bike on her own flesh only make her think about Yuki being hurt bad enough to leave such a nasty scar and it makes her feel like she was going to overflow with some kind of feeling that she can't even describe. She cant put a name to it, and it makes her feel even more scared.

She remembers so vividly now, Kyo’s pinched face and words about jealous Gods and their cages, of their curses. It makes her chest ache, makes her breathing heavy and tears well up in her eyes.

She sits like that for a while, breathing deeply and crying silently into her hands.

/./././././

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“There you are,” Yuki says with a wide smile, “Kyo almost sent a search party after you!”

Miku smiles back extra wide and hopes and hopes they don’t see any trace of her tears.

“You brat!” Kyo thunders into the living room like the angry mama bear from the Mogeta special. “If you needed to use the bathroom you could have said something you know!”

“Maybe she didn’t want to,” Yuki says with a warning in his tone, “that’s a private thing.”

Their words fly over Miku’s head, feeling almost like she was underwater.

There is a deep aching feeling in her chest and she doesn’t know how to get rid of it. It’s something like fear, something like anger and sadness. She wants answers, wants to know what kind of God would dare leave scars on Yuki and for the first time in her life, thinks that maybe she could hate this vicious God. 

She wonders if Tohru Honda has scars too. If maybe that’s why Tohru Honda can only call on the phone, can only be nothing more than a voice that can be heard but not seen.

Her fists are tight and her teeth ache from clenching so hard and knows that if she could she’d let that God really have it.

She breathes deep, once, twice, three times. 

Inhale, exhale.

She tries to do what Kyo had taught her, tries to clear her mind, tries to calm down and tries to remember the way Kyo would breathe with her. The way her legs would ache from sitting so still and straight for so long and feeling happy when she does.

_ Jealous Gods don't exist here _ Miku thinks with sudden clarity.

She gasps, that tight feeling in her chest easing little by little.

She looks up and takes in the way Yuki’s lips are turned up at the corners, the easy set to Kyo’s shoulders and the way his face isn’t so pinched anymore.

_ I won't be a jealous God, _ Miku thinks to herself,  _ I won’t. _

She reaches for them, and takes their hands into hers and tugs until they unfold, easy smiles on their faces as she leads them to the door.

“The tomatoes need to be picked!” Miku tells them with a wide grin, “They need us!”

There are still so many things that Miku doesn’t understand, but maybe someday she will. But she remembers Tohru Honda telling her that she was placing Yuki and Kyo into her care, and Miku knows, right down into her bones, that something like that must mean something big. If Tohru Honda can’t be there with them, to personally make sure they’re eating and breathing and smiling easy, then something must be in her way. A jealous God with their curse and their cage. Maybe Tohru Honda was some kind of angel, one that is keeping that angry God at bay. Because Miku can't imagine a world where anyone  _ wouldn’t _ want to be near Yuki and Kyo all the time, not unless something was stopping them. Something bigger than the earth and air itself.

The thought makes her chest swell, makes her think about how lucky she was to be here, in their house, pulling them out to the garden, happy and free.

Miku spends the day like that with them, picking tomatoes and laughing when Yuki kicks Kyo over, upsetting his balance when Kyo grumbles about girly gardening tools. When Kyo starts shouting Miku tackles him and hangs from his loose shoulders and pokes at his unpinched face. She looks up when she hears a noise and grins extra wide when she sees Yuki smiling back at her from behind his phone. He takes a couple more photos and Miku demands a photo of the three of them. Kyo complains and complains but he doesn’t move away when Yuki moves to stand beside him, leaving some room between them. Miku giggles when Kyo huffs and shifts her onto his hip and uses his other arm to tug Yuki closer.

“You won’t bump into her,” Kyo grumbles, “stand next to her you damn idiot.”

“Hush,” Yuki tuts, adjusting the phone and it’s almost surreal, watching the shy smile bloom on his face when he finally gets the angle just right.

When he finally takes the picture, Kyo let's Miku down and she scurries a bit away and watches Kyo watch Yuki. There’s something private there happening between them and Miku tells them she’s going to check on her bike, that she’ll be right back. 

She races to the front of the house, making as much noise as she can before quietly, oh so quietly racing back from the other side. When she rounds the corner, a smile blooms on her face at the gentle, gentle way Yuki takes Kyo’s face into his hands. He places a kiss, right there on his face before slowly moving back, his hand finding Kyo’s, their fingers lacing together.

It makes Miku’s face burn and she quietly runs back to the front of the house. Her chest feels tight, like her lungs are too big for her body and it makes her feel light, as though she could walk right into the clouds with no problems at all.

Kyo calls her name and she comes racing back with a gleeful shout.

/././././././

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They spend the whole day like that, the three of them together. Side by side, the house feeling warm and full of their laughter and voices. They eat lunch, then dinner, with a few snacks in between. Tohru Honda calls and Miku talks and talks and talks to her too, giggles and laughs and wishes, more than anything that she could be there in the room with them too. It makes her a little sad, to hope and hope but it also makes her a little happy, because Miku just _knows,_ that some day Tohru Honda will be there with them, will be more than a voice on a phone. When they all finish taking turns talking to her, they make rice balls and tea and enjoy them on the steps in front of the house and when it was finally time, Yuki and Kyo take their time walking Miku back home. Kyo grumbling and hunched over Miku’s bike the entire time while Yuki held Miku’s hand while they walked. It wasn’t very late but the sun was gone and though Miku spent the whole day with them, it still made her sad to have to come back home. It makes her feel guilty because this was her home, she should be happy here.

But her Mama still hasn’t said a word and Papa hasn’t really either. Not for a long long time and it makes the skin at the back of Miku’s neck prickle. 

Kyo parks her bike in it’s usual spot and Yuki makes a face when Kyo’s back cracks when he straightens up and stretches. Kyo sticks his tongue out and Yuki scowls and Miku giggles when they walk her all the way to the front door. They knock once, twice, before finally ringing the doorbell.

The door swings open and Papa gives them a half smile, the kind that comes from the corners of his lips and thanks them for watching over Miku.

They tell Miku’s Papa that it was no trouble at all, that Miku is always welcome, and when Miku moves to enter the house, their hands tighten over hers, almost like they didn’t want to let go.

They do though, and it makes her chest ache and Papa’s smile gets thinner.

They say goodbye and when Papa closes the door, Miku takes off her shoes and goes to search for Mama.

She sits in the living room, her hair down today and spilling over her shoulders. It makes her look like a doll and when Miku calls for her, she hardly makes a sound.

“Mama,” Miku says, almost desperately, “Mama, I had lots of fun today.”

“Miku,” Papa starts.

“Mama I want you to know that I had fun, and I want to say thank you for waking me up and letting me spend the whole day with them.”

Mama blinks and finally, finally moves to look up at Miku. It’s the first sign of life and Miku almost wants to cry at the sheer amount of joy it brings her.

So Miku babbles and babbles on about her day, about picking tomatoes and making rice balls. She talks about Kyo showing her a new move, about Yuki sneaking her a snack in between the small snacks Kyo allows them. She talks about Yuki taking her to the store, about buying almost every flavor of furikake because they weren’t sure which one Kyo always gets. She talks and talks and talks and through it all, Mama almost seems like she was existing right there at Miku’s side.

“Mama,” Miku says in a rush, “Mama will you wake me up early like this again? Someday soon?”

Mama blinks, and her face goes blank. It's almost like Miku was losing her again. It makes Miku grow quiet, makes her words trail off when Mama looks away, she hums, and Papa reaches down to tug Miku quietly away.

He takes Miku to her room and helps her get ready for bed. Tears prickle at the edge of her eyes and she asks, oh so quietly so the ghost that lives in their home won't hear, if Mama was angry, if Miku said something wrong.

Papa pauses, Miku’s hair brush held loosely in his hand. He’s quiet for so long that Miku wonders if Papa too would turn into a doll, into a ghost like Mama.

“No,” Papa finally says, “No Miku, you didn’t do anything wrong.”

“Oh.” Miku says, like she believes him. She moves away to slip into bed and curls up, quiet and alone as Papa sighs and turns off the lights.

/././././././

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Miku startles awake when the lights flick on.

When she looks, Mama stands in the doorway, her face is blank, and her hair is still loose and Miku wonders what it would feel like if she walked over to touch it. Sleep clings stubbornly to her eyes though and when she rubs at them and looks back up, Mama is gone.

The sun is starting to rise and Miku gets ready for the day.

/././././.

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She pedals as fast as she can to Yuki and Kyo’s house, hops over the fence and races up their tiny steps.

She slams open their door and yells their names as loud as she can.

/././././

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Before she knows it, they have a new routine. Sometimes, Kyo takes her with him to run.  _ You have this much energy in the morning huh? Let’s see how well you do with some morning exercise.  _

Sometimes Yuki manages to wake up enough to take her to the store with him.  _ Yuki, didn’t we buy a lot of these last time? We did, but Tanaka-san said they have a new flavor we have to try. _

It’s strange, but it makes her smile and laugh all the same.

It’s something like living a dream she only wakes up from the moment she steps foot back into her house with Mama and Papa. It makes her feel guilty, thinking this way about her home, about her Mama and Papa, make her stomach feel tight and queasy, but it’s the only way she could properly describe it.

Miku still tries though, she still talks and talks and talks until her throat feels dry about her day while Mama sits so still. Sometimes Papa sits with them and listens without even listening at all. It feels lonely to talk and talk without anyone hearing her at all.

Mama wakes her up every morning though, flicks on the lights and on one occasion, gently shakes Miku awake. It makes Miku feel hope, that maybe, somehow, Mama is listening, that maybe somewhere she was still there.

/./././././

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One day, one day Miku comes home and opens the door all on her own when Papa doesn’t answer it in time. There is a frown on Kyo's face and a wary one on Yuki's. They hold onto her hand a little longer today too, because no one answered the door, and they blink as though waking from a daze when Miku opens the door herself, as if they forgot that she actually lives here and not with them. They let of of her hands eventually and she waves goodbye to Yuki and Kyo and watches them walk back down the street when Papa calls out to her. She closes the door and walks to the living room and blinks when Papa nods to the seat across the table from him and Mama.

Warily, Miku moves to sit.

They’re quiet for a very very long time before Papa reaches out and takes Mama’s hand in her own.

“Mama?” Miku asks quietly.

Mama blinks, and looks up. Her face transforms then, almost like she was coming back to herself rather than going further and further away. She looks like she had lots and lots to say, almost like she was getting ready to go into battle and this, this makes Miku even more nervous.

Then Mama opens her mouth and talks.

And talks

And talks

And talks.

/./././././

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That night Miku lays in bed with Mama and Papa, barely breathing, barely feeling like she was human at all. There are tears streaming down her cheeks but she doesn’t make a sound, not even a little. Mama strokes her hair and Miku wants nothing more than to scream, than to throw things, than to have these moments alone.

“Miku,” Papa tries to say, “Miku–”

His voice is lost to her though, lost to the blood roaring through Miku’s head, through her ears. In this moment, more than anything, Miku wants to run, wants Yuki and Kyo to hold her and tell her that they– that everything–

Mama hums, a simple sound that reverberates throughout Miku’s body. It makes more tears fall and more than anything, she wants to tell Mama that she was sorry. That Mama– that it’s unfair that–

She tugs Mama closer and when Mama hums again, she moves to pull away.

Further and further.

/./././././

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**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A couple artists drew Miku and I haven't been able to stop screaming about them!! I'm still not smart enough to post them directly here so please check them out on my tumblr.  
> [Look at this!!](https://fashionredalert.tumblr.com/post/636685420968673280/omg-guys-look-its-miku-look-how-adorable-she)  
> [And this one too!!](https://fashionredalert.tumblr.com/post/636685396579876864/guys-stop-what-youre-doing-and-look-its)


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